One down, one to go

I started these socks months ago, and just got going on them again a couple nights ago when I got the urge to do some knitting. I finally finished the first sock last night. And they fit perfectly. Yay!

I'm not normally into blue a lot, but I just love these socks so far! It is a pattern called Blackrose and is knitted in KnitPicks Stroll Hand Painted Sock Yarn in Lullaby.





And yes, my feet and ankles look really fat in these pictures. They are fat, but they look worse than normal here because I took these photos after I had sat up all day at work and they swelled up. I'm in one of those kinds of moods where having cankles is one of my lesser problems. I'm such a glutton for punishment right now: watching WE TV is one of the worst things to do when you've just gone through a divorce and are feeling shitty about being single. Way too many happy wedding shows! UGH. Just put me out of my misery already.

Oh, and I do have gnomes on my flannel sheets. They couldn't be any more awesome.

Struggling Part 2

I know I mentioned my pain week from hell in the previous post, but here I am again, it's around 8:30 p.m. and I'm in bed in tears again. I'm so frustrated by my situation. My legs and feet are on fire - the skin feels like it is burning, stinging and intermittently being stabbed. Any kind of contact makes the pain worse, even something as minor as my pants moving or a bit of a breeze. And it's not like not doing those things really stops the pain either, no matter what I do it continues.

I've spent the last three-plus days in bed, just trying to suck it up and be hopeful that the pain decreases soon. Usually when I have these bad spells they last for a night or a day or two, but this bad stretch from Sunday night is killing me.

I tried calling the office of my pain management doctor yesterday to let them know that I am doing miserably and that my pain has been so bad that I'm hardly sleeping. It was a frustrating experience. The nurse told me that I can take up to six of my breakthrough pain pills each day. (Definitely not news to me, I've been doing that and I'm still experiencing really bad pain.) And the really (not-so) helpful bit: I can also take Ibuprofen! Because, you know, when the strong narcotics you are on for pain relief are not working, Advil will definitely be able to fix everything. The good news is that I'm on the wait list in case someone cancels their appointment. So there's a possibility that I'll get in to see my doctor sooner than mid-January.

I love my pain management doctor - she is always so helpful and understanding, and seems to really want to help me and get what I'm going through. I know that the nurse can't be expected to "fix" me, but it's frustrating to get told to take Advil. It's not like I've got an achy finger or something. I don't call up there unless I am really, really having trouble coping. I am in pain pretty much every day of my life these days, so I'm used to dealing with an average level of pain. It's just these bad stretches that I can't cope with.

My only other option is to go to the hospital and seek relief there, but I don't want to use that option unless I seriously feel like I am going to die otherwise. I worry that they will think I am just there for pain medication and that I'm overreacting about my pain. When it comes to nerve damage, I don't have a gaping wound that someone can point to and be all "ah, there's the problem." My problem is hidden in the nerves of my back, and unless someone knows my background, they might not see why I am hurting so much.

But I am. And I feel bad complaining to my family and friends. They are all very supportive and worry about me, but it's hard feeling like a burden to everyone and feeling like Debbie Downer. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to sit with me and rub my forehead.

/personal pity party

I hope next time I blog I'll be able to share something fun & crafty.

It was mostly a cinch

Other than watching a really sad football game today, I sewed. And sewed. And sewed. It helped take my mind off all kinds of other things I really didn't want to think about. It wasn't completely successful in that regard, but at least I got some things accomplished, including these two cinch sacks. They are all finished other than adding the ribbon ties, but I think that part will be quick and easy.

I've had a pattern to make these "It's a Cinch Sack" bags forever. A couple months ago I cut out all the fabric I needed to make two of them, but stalled out. I kept putting them off, but had good intentions. After I finally started sewing them, they went together pretty easily. I had some trouble sewing over some of the thicker seams, but I went back over those little problem areas by hand and think they turned out OK.

Buried

I've had a tough week. Or two.

My wheelchair of choice - of the sparkly pinkish/purplish variety - has been out of commission. I ran into a table at work - which I've done hundreds of times with little to no damage - and jarred something in the joystick, rendering it inoperable. Then my backup wheelchair started having issues, with the battery dying much, much quicker than normal. Oy to the vey!

Then one of my teeth started hurting, so I made an appointment to see my dentist. Being a bit lackadaisical in going to the dentist in a while has come back to haunt me. My sore tooth turned out to be two problem teeth, one of which needed a root canal and both needing crowns.

So finally it's Friday. I've been root canalled. Both wheelchairs have been fixed. Sounds like a great night to relax and make something crafty, right?

Not so much. My family is having a garage sale over Labor Day and I'm in the midst of sorting through all my belongings for crap* to sell. And trust me, there's a lot of crap.



It's going to be a long weekend.


*Note: Hippos and gorilla not for sale. They're definitely not considered crap!

Early morning rant

Dear back,

I hate you. It's 4:20 a.m., and I'm wide awake. My feet have been hurting badly for more than 2 hours and my pain medication is really not helping. You are making my life miserable. Give me a break, please.

See, I have this thing called a job that requires me to get up super early and be awake all day. You are really making this difficult, if not impossible, some days.

No love from me,
Christy


Later today I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon to see what, if anything, needs to be done about my back. My MRI results were rather disturbing, I thought. There are disc problems above and below where they did the surgery seven years ago. My pain management doctor said it appears to long-standing damage -- she told me that because of the pain issues I am having, she expected the damage to be more recent. I don't know what to think. Was my first surgery messed up or has my back just continued to get worse since? If it's been getting worse, how? I don't do anything that could cause injury! WTF?

I am so, so scared that I will need another surgery. Maybe it will help. But if something happens and I end up worse, I don't know how I will deal with it. I've been worse -- after the first surgery, I didn't have hardly any sensation from the waist down. I needed help with everything - I couldn't dress myself, roll over, use the bathroom or get in or out of bed by myself. It was the absolute lowest point of my life. I've never been more depressed. I've made quite a bit of progress since, but of course I'm not back to normal. There's the whole wheelchair thing. And of course, the pain is always present.

I'm not sure what's going to happen. Wish me luck.

Reason 4875 why my life sucks

Ha. Kind of kidding about the title, but not completely. I'm spending my day tomorrow getting a root canal, hooray! In good news, however, I am going to a sedation dentist, who is giving me something that will hopefully knock me out so I am not aware of what my mouth is undergoing.

Back when I was getting my wisdom teeth removed, (which were impacted, which made the process even more fun) they put me under. For some reason or another, it didn't completely work and I woke up before they were done. It was pretty creepy to be awake during mouth surgery. And not something I especially want to re-enact. I am going to take my iPhone though, and if nothing else, hope to drone out the dental sounds with music, particularly my current obsession, Owl City. The awesome Adam Young (Owl City himself) has even written a song called "Dental Care." How can you not love a musical artist that can write a cool tune about going to the dentist? Exactly!

In craft news, I've been working on a daisy applique quilt that a friend of mine asked (and is paying!) me to make. I just finished all the blocks and now am trying to figure out what fabric to use for the sashing and borders. It's fun to try out new techniques.

I've been slacking on photos (or downloading them at least) since my card reader stopped working. Here are the flower pieces before they were stitched on the background. I love the colors!



And my other current obsession?









I wish it would stay autumn forever!