Struggling Part 2

I know I mentioned my pain week from hell in the previous post, but here I am again, it's around 8:30 p.m. and I'm in bed in tears again. I'm so frustrated by my situation. My legs and feet are on fire - the skin feels like it is burning, stinging and intermittently being stabbed. Any kind of contact makes the pain worse, even something as minor as my pants moving or a bit of a breeze. And it's not like not doing those things really stops the pain either, no matter what I do it continues.

I've spent the last three-plus days in bed, just trying to suck it up and be hopeful that the pain decreases soon. Usually when I have these bad spells they last for a night or a day or two, but this bad stretch from Sunday night is killing me.

I tried calling the office of my pain management doctor yesterday to let them know that I am doing miserably and that my pain has been so bad that I'm hardly sleeping. It was a frustrating experience. The nurse told me that I can take up to six of my breakthrough pain pills each day. (Definitely not news to me, I've been doing that and I'm still experiencing really bad pain.) And the really (not-so) helpful bit: I can also take Ibuprofen! Because, you know, when the strong narcotics you are on for pain relief are not working, Advil will definitely be able to fix everything. The good news is that I'm on the wait list in case someone cancels their appointment. So there's a possibility that I'll get in to see my doctor sooner than mid-January.

I love my pain management doctor - she is always so helpful and understanding, and seems to really want to help me and get what I'm going through. I know that the nurse can't be expected to "fix" me, but it's frustrating to get told to take Advil. It's not like I've got an achy finger or something. I don't call up there unless I am really, really having trouble coping. I am in pain pretty much every day of my life these days, so I'm used to dealing with an average level of pain. It's just these bad stretches that I can't cope with.

My only other option is to go to the hospital and seek relief there, but I don't want to use that option unless I seriously feel like I am going to die otherwise. I worry that they will think I am just there for pain medication and that I'm overreacting about my pain. When it comes to nerve damage, I don't have a gaping wound that someone can point to and be all "ah, there's the problem." My problem is hidden in the nerves of my back, and unless someone knows my background, they might not see why I am hurting so much.

But I am. And I feel bad complaining to my family and friends. They are all very supportive and worry about me, but it's hard feeling like a burden to everyone and feeling like Debbie Downer. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to sit with me and rub my forehead.

/personal pity party

I hope next time I blog I'll be able to share something fun & crafty.



My pain has been beyond intense this week. I'm barely existing, much less getting anything productive done. I can't remember the last time I've had such a series of bad days like this. I don't know what else to try.


Another count

This is the second morning this week that I have woken up around 3 a.m. and not been able to get back to sleep. It's supremely annoying.

While I'm up though, I figured I might as well blog. :)

Inspired by my friend Natalie, I finally sat down and made a list of all my finished quilts. Sadly, that number - 26 - is only slightly bigger than my list of current WIPs! And that includes a quilted bag and pillow, because I thought my number was pretty abysmally small and I was trying to make it larger. And as selfish of a quilter as I am, I have given away or sold more than half, so I guess that's not too awful. Not great, but not so bad after all. That number also includes some baby quilts that I've made that I'm not super attached to, so I may try to list those on Etsy or give them as gifts in the future.

It's funny how many projects I almost forgot, especially those quilts that I gave away or don't see everyday. Ooh, I just remembered another one! (The quilt my mom and I made for my nephew Josh for graduation, so that makes 27.) I need to do a better job of keeping track of my projects. It'd be nice to have a record of how long I work on them and pictures of them all. I think I have pictures of most, but they're definitely not organized well.

Ugh. Not looking forward to getting out of bed and ready for work. Heaven knows the lack of sleep will kick in later! This is my last work day of the week though, since I'm taking tomorrow off as a vacation day. I'll be spending the day going to a dentist appointment, taking a trip to Joann Fabrics and quilting furiously trying to finish up some Christmas projects. Wish me luck!


Moving right along ...

Thankfully, this quilt IS on my list of works in progress! So, so close to being done.


The good and the bad

The good news is that I finished my first charity quilt! I am so excited to have this project done, because I have wanted to make a charity quilt for ages. This quilt was made for the Downy project, Quilts for Kids, which sends quilts to hospitalized children or kids that are abused. It's a really cool program that sends out fabric to volunteers, who then make a quilt and mail it back.

The bad news is that it took me sooooo long to finish the dang thing. Long enough that I got an e-mail from the organizers wondering if I was ever going to send the quilt back. I had good intentions. Really. When I got the kit in the mail, I got started on it right away and was making progress until I realized that some of the pre-cut pieces I had received were cut so wonky that it as impossible to assemble the quilt like it was supposed to be done. And heaven knows that I couldn't find any more of the fairy fabric they had sent me (that I thought was super ugly, but I think that's a personal issue of mine. I'm sure some kid will like it. I hope.). So then it sat. And sat some more.

After I got the e-mail about the delay, I finally pulled the quilt out again and improvised. I found some fabric in my stash that looked OK with the ugly fairies and got going again. I have to admit I like the changes I made, and I'm glad it will be a bit different than the other quilts made with the kits.


If you couldn't guess, the three center blocks with the appliqued hearts are the parts I improvised.

And a close up of the creepy fairies, complete with weird eyes and visible butt cheek.


I so wanted to name the quilt Fairy Lust, or Fairy Butts, but was able to restrain myself and stick to a more kid-friendly name of Fairy Dust. If you decide you'd like to make a quilt for the charity, don't worry ... almost every other fabric I've seen for these kits is much cuter.

I was so glad to get this sent out in the mail yesterday!

Edited to add: Another bad point - This wasn't even on my list of works in progress, so that means I still have 20 projects that I need to finish. Sigh.