I know I mentioned my pain week from hell in the previous post, but here I am again, it's around 8:30 p.m. and I'm in bed in tears again. I'm so frustrated by my situation. My legs and feet are on fire - the skin feels like it is burning, stinging and intermittently being stabbed. Any kind of contact makes the pain worse, even something as minor as my pants moving or a bit of a breeze. And it's not like not doing those things really stops the pain either, no matter what I do it continues.
I've spent the last three-plus days in bed, just trying to suck it up and be hopeful that the pain decreases soon. Usually when I have these bad spells they last for a night or a day or two, but this bad stretch from Sunday night is killing me.
I tried calling the office of my pain management doctor yesterday to let them know that I am doing miserably and that my pain has been so bad that I'm hardly sleeping. It was a frustrating experience. The nurse told me that I can take up to six of my breakthrough pain pills each day. (Definitely not news to me, I've been doing that and I'm still experiencing really bad pain.) And the really (not-so) helpful bit: I can also take Ibuprofen! Because, you know, when the strong narcotics you are on for pain relief are not working, Advil will definitely be able to fix everything. The good news is that I'm on the wait list in case someone cancels their appointment. So there's a possibility that I'll get in to see my doctor sooner than mid-January.
I love my pain management doctor - she is always so helpful and understanding, and seems to really want to help me and get what I'm going through. I know that the nurse can't be expected to "fix" me, but it's frustrating to get told to take Advil. It's not like I've got an achy finger or something. I don't call up there unless I am really, really having trouble coping. I am in pain pretty much every day of my life these days, so I'm used to dealing with an average level of pain. It's just these bad stretches that I can't cope with.
My only other option is to go to the hospital and seek relief there, but I don't want to use that option unless I seriously feel like I am going to die otherwise. I worry that they will think I am just there for pain medication and that I'm overreacting about my pain. When it comes to nerve damage, I don't have a gaping wound that someone can point to and be all "ah, there's the problem." My problem is hidden in the nerves of my back, and unless someone knows my background, they might not see why I am hurting so much.
But I am. And I feel bad complaining to my family and friends. They are all very supportive and worry about me, but it's hard feeling like a burden to everyone and feeling like Debbie Downer. Sometimes I just wish I had someone to sit with me and rub my forehead.
/personal pity party
I hope next time I blog I'll be able to share something fun & crafty.